Some measures of joy...

 I moved down to San Jose, California in late 2019, leaving my beloved Oregon behind. It's now 2021 and I've been noticing some behaviors that I haven't really demonstrated since I was probably a teenager.

I catch myself singing along to music, not full productions, just bits and pieces, here and there. I used to sing almost solely in my car, but apparently I am capable of singing in the shower. You know, like one of those "normal people." Whatever that means.

I have also caught myself dancing a bit, more of a Silly Walk really since the Good Lord did not bless me with any kind of rhythm. This is not something I do around other humans; I think my Computer Princess has probably caught me mid-twirl on occasion, but he's pretty chill with most of my weirdness, so I don't know if those situations count. Keep in mind that dancing was never a fun activity for me as a young person. I hated it and ALWAYS felt so embarrassed because I had two left feet. Whenever I was talked into going to school dances, I always had to hope that I wouldn't be the worst dancer there. The easiest way to avoid that was to just not dance.

So it's a bit strange, to me, that I'm now expressing joy via the medium of dance. It's an extremely loose definition of the word, but whatever, go with it.

I think of myself as something of an "armchair scientist" and I view my whole life as one big, always evolving, science experiment so I've been indulging the singing and the dancing to see how these activities make me feel. And I have been pleasantly surprised. Sporadic song and dance are great indicators of how my day-to-day mental health is doing. 

It also doesn't hurt that during the work week (Monday-Thursday) I mostly have my apartment to myself and only have to weather judgment from my cats. And they usually don't care, unless food is involved.

I have no idea if I'll get comfortable with others seeing this side of me in real life...but I think the only thing that matters is that I accept this facet of myself. My acceptance is the only acceptance I need.

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